Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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