we have pet lesbian snakes
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
