Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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