What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
