Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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