yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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