Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
