how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
