Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize