I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
