He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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