also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
