After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
