if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
