Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
