He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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