Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
