after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I believe in your delicious
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
