We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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