Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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