so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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