I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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