Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
