My sheets look like a crime scene.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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