guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
