A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
