My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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