FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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