dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
