just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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