I bet he comes in French.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
