she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
