I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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