I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
