Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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