we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
