she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
