So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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