and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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