My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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