my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
