Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
