Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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