Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
