I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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