I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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