You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
