Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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