I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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