I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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