I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
