So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
