It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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