just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
