I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
