This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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