last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
