We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
