My room smells like vodka and shame
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
