Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
