for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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