So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
