My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
