Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
