I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
