I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
They have beer where we have blood.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
