ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
