If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
