Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
