dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
