I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Operation Purity has been aborted
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
