we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
