from now on my penis is your penis
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize