I cannot find my penis.
i wish my penis had a tongue
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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