I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize