After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
