No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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