i was born a porn star she said
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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