I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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