i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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