I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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