I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
