I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
