i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
