but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
