just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Apparently you make a good broom.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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